Dedicated to my mother

For me, 6th February is no longer about a card and a phone call, because my mother is gone.   Today Mai would have been 86 years old.  It is her day and so I am sharing her story.

Angelina Rumaldine Coutinho was born and raised in a Goan village.  She married a young man, Lawrence Vaz from the same area and together they lovingly raised six children.  I am the eldest.  Lucy and I were born in Goa.  That's when the foundation of our colonial style home was laid.  The Portuguese were very much there.

Our old home as it is today.  62 years old and standing tall. 

Our little family migrated to Bombay in the early 50s and Martha, Francis, Selve and Daniel were born in Bombay.

My mother always wanted to be better. She always wanted to improve herself, and she inspired us to do the same.  She was honest to a fault, and sometimes tactless but then, most of us aren’t saints.  I’ve taken time to look back at the beginning and remember the good times, imitate them, and remember the bad ones and try to do better.  In the years to come, I hope, with the wisdom that comes of age, my own children will look back on my life and remember more good than bad.  I’ve not been even half the mother Big Mummy has been to them.  They called her that to distinguish between her and me.  Shawn was raised by Mai for the first 9 years of his life and Simone for the first 3 years of hers.   Big Mummy tirelessly kept up nights when they had measles and chicken pox, took them for the mandatory vaccines and taught them the English alphabet.  It is she who prepared them for their pre nursery tests

 With her grandson, our son Shawn.
This photo was taken in 2001 when Shawn made a trip to Goa to see her.

This family picture was the last such one taken in 2007 when Simone visited us in Bombay.
This is part of  our family. A few could not make it.

with 7 year old Ayush, who accompanied me to Goa in the later years.

When I was very young, she bought me water paints so I could pursue my love for colouring.  She draped me in my first ever saree for the school prom.  She gave me a posy of button chrysanthemums each December as they were my favourite.  She encouraged me to go out, make friends and do community work. 

Our mother was practical but quietly caring and compassionate. She was very strong willed and had a sense of self confidence in all that she did. She was loyal to our Daddy and was a very devoted mother. She also had a side to her that was vulnerable.  Sadly, she had gone through a horrendous first few years after her marriage when she lost 3 children before I was born. 

Mai was a woman of amazing faith. Even at 75, with diabetes riddling her body, she never let go of it.   We were brought up with the fear of God instilled in us.    As a consequence our lives have been sprinkled with miracles. Like the time my brother experimented shoving a chickpea up his nose and had to be hospitalised. Mai stayed up all night praying for him, and the next day, she picked up a pair of tweezers from the nurses’ tray, looked up his nose with a flashlight, deftly removed the by now soaked chickpea, calmly handed it over to the doctor in charge and marched her son out of the hospital.

Or the time my sister lost her gold neck chain whilst playing in the natural spring near our home in Goa.  We used to spend every summer vacation there.  Mai just went to the spring, dug about in the shallow but clear water with her hands and came up with the chain!  She never doubted she would find it.  In our family, we just grew up with faith.

My mom gave up a lot over the years, for the sake of her children and her husband.  Daddy was a quiet and very hard working father.  He provided for us all.  She was the assertive one when it came to necessity.  Above all, she fed her family well.  She was a great cook and I am so glad I have her recipes. Sundays were opportunities for roasting beef and fried potatoes!  Daddy and Mai did this together.   Though he would never admit it, he was her biggest supporter and was always by her side through difficult times.

I’ve also stored her home remedies.  She used to be called on even at nights when neighbouring children were ill. That’s quite something, and an amazing legacy to leave.  

With me, a few years before she passed away at 84.

Daddy passed away much before her.  She missed him immensely. They are both reunited and I love them and miss them both very much.

Dedicated to my mother.  

Happy Birthday Mai !